


Where Are You?

by piperholmes



Category: 12 Monkeys (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post series finale, Pregnancy, Some Fluff, Some angst, life after
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 21:14:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15542301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piperholmes/pseuds/piperholmes
Summary: Cassie and Cole pick up life together, but even happily ever after isn’t free of heartache. The story of the family Cole in a world without an apocalypse, but still an unknown future. Cassie and Cole have to figure out how to survive a world that isn’t perfect.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! This is my first attempt at a fanfic for this fandom. This is in a few parts (total number TBD) but I know where this story is going to end—the end of the prologue is enough to probably give you an idea of where this story is headed. I hope this first part is enough to warrant the next chapter! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**_Where are you?_ **

_Prologue_

It didn’t take long. Considering the time they’d already lost, the fights and regrets, the dances and smiles, the quiet caresses and secret hurts. They’d lived a lifetime together and now they had been given a chance to live.

It wasn’t an easy life. Cole had no mother. Cole had a mother. Cole had no father. Cole had a father. He struggled to find his place in this world. His time in ’57 had given him a taste of life outside of an apocalypse but that time had felt so isolated, a mirage of what life was meant to be. A life he’d erased. Most days their tomorrows expanded out before them, but sometimes the ghosts of yesterdays would taunt them, like a memory in the corner of the eyes.

Jennifer visited often. She and Cole would sit, bent over a puzzle, building a picture piece by piece, while Cassie would curse and grumble over whatever recipe she was trying to make. They all knew it didn’t matter how the food turned out. They sat down together as a family either way.

Jones had been harder.

Cole had waited and waited. He knew the same stubbornness that ran through his veins ran through hers. Surprisingly, it had been Cassie who’d broken the silent standoff.

“Go and find her,” she’d said one night as they lay in the quiet stillness.

He’d pressed his lips together, shifting her back so he could see her face. He knew what stayed buried behind her eyes, the heartache and resentment.

“Are you sure?”

She’d shook her head no, her hair tickling his chest.

“Then why?”

Cassie sighed, her fingers clutching at his. “She took my son, but she gave me you.”

It wasn’t an answer, not really, but it was all the explanation she had to give. “I’ll go with you,” she offered resignedly.

Cole gave a small, sad smile. “No, that’s ok. I feel like I need to do this alone.”

He’d waited another week, until Jennifer had grabbed him and whined, “Otter eyes, enough waiting.”

Once the decision was made it didn’t take long. Jennifer had all the information he needed (of course she did) and he soon found himself standing outside of a small brownstone.

Elliot had answered his knock, the words dying on his lips as he stared hard, like he was trying to focus on the memory of a dream, until he finally just shouted, “Katarina, it’s for you.”

A harried Katarina Jones, toting a toddler against her hip, came to the door.

“James,” she breathed.

It wasn’t much, but the petition in her eyes, the stillness that pleaded for forgiveness was all he needed.

The awkwardness faded quickly, a natural connection never lost, merely worn and weakened but finding new purchase.

Elliot had been harder to bring around, but he had enough of a memory to not doubt anything being said. For Cole it had been difficult to realize his feelings for the small child trying to hand him a chewed stuffed puppy, so he just chose to ignore it and focus on the feelings he’d had when Hannah had felt more like a baby sister than his mother.

In the end they had found some of their footing. It wasn’t perfect, but for now it was enough.

It came as no surprise, the easy, intimate gathering around the fireplace in their home a few weeks later. The small group of friends and family, the day after Christmas, December the 26th, watching as the pair shyly swapped rings. Her belly already beginning to round, a slight swell beneath the soft flow of her dress.

Now, more than just a moment.

He couldn’t help it, his hand sliding from her hip to rest protectively against the promise of their now, a promise they would get to fulfill this time.

“Ours,” she whispered into his ear, her breath tickling his cheek, as her hand came to rest above his own. “Athan.”

They’d danced that night.

Again and again.

Even after, when all the goodbyes had been said, he’d pulled her close, her scented skin pressed against his, they’d swayed. No lead. No follow. Just instinct and love until, with his face buried against her neck, her gasps hot against his cheek, the sheet tangled in their legs, they found a moment of perfect release.

As Cassie’s pregnancy progressed, Cole felt his anticipation and awe grow. He’d heard her be sick again and again, and he’d seen the tension in her brow as she admitted this time around was harder. It had been a night when Jennifer had found her way to their home, Cassie curled up on the sofa, the nausea almost overwhelming.

Cole hadn’t been sure how to help, his experience with pregnant women extending no further than the months in this new life. He’d fussed anxiously until Cassie had calmly, but firmly told him to take a hike.

“It’ll all be fine,” she assured. “It’ll all be fine, and then he’ll be here.”

He watched her hand stroke where their child slept, and chose to ignore the look of unease in Jennifer’s eyes.

When Cassie finally drifted off he’d taken Jennifer out onto the porch, his eyes wide and intent as he demanded, “What, what is it?”

“It doesn’t work like that,” Jennifer insisted. “It doesn’t work like that any more Otter Eyes. I don’t know.”

“Jennifer,” he breathed out in frustration.

“I don’t know!” She insisted. “I just…”

“What? You just what Jennifer?”

“Sometimes you think you know the answer so you don’t ask the question, but sometimes you should ask it anyway.”

Her wide eyes mirrored his own, the life of loss and fear and resignation.

Cole blew out a breath, his voice tired and worn out. “I thought we were done with this shit.”

“Don’t be sad Cole,” she said, her fingers reaching to cup his cheek. “You’re real.”

It was only a few days later that Cole found himself outside the children’s home. He stood in the snow, mindlessly spinning the gold band on his finger. He waited, letting the cold seep into his clothes, his hair, the smell of winter permeating his skin. It was all worth it, for the moment he found the face of his brother. The urge to call out to him was nearly overwhelming and Cole had to clench his fists hard, this time focusing on the feel of the cold metal digging into his palm.

Not every relationship had been saved. Time had respected the choice he’d made standing in the snow on another day, one long erased but not forgotten. The weight on his finger a reminder of everything he’d gained, and what it cost.

He missed his brother.

The two made eye contact and Cole thought he saw a flash of recognition in those dark eyes, but they were too far separated by time. The realization settled deep into his understanding. They each had new lives to lead. One day he hoped those lives would intertwine, but he knew that time was not yet.

He arrived home, the sound of the shower a beacon. He shed his clothes, his name on her lips answered with just a grunt, until he stepped under the spray. It only took a look before Cassie had pulled him to her, the water enclosing them in a world of heat and humidity, as he held her close, their child pressed between them.

His fingers wound through her wet strands, holding tight, feeling her heartbeat against his chest. He breathed her in, a balm to the ache inside him, as her own fingers ghosted back and forth against his skin.

“I always find my way back to you,” he whispered.

It wasn’t a promise. Not any more. It was them.

The following day Cole found himself sitting between a poster of a woman’s birth canal and a model of a growing fetus. In all his time as a child of the apocalypse he didn’t think he could remember ever feeling more uncertain. Cassie sat next to him and he could feel the tension in her, though she kept her voice light, he supposed in an attempt to ease his own discomfort.

He took her hand in his. “Do you have to have the sona…sonogr…”

“Sonogram?” She finished for him.

He nodded, still embarrassed by the reminder of the world he’d missed.

She smiled at him, just as he’d hoped, the reminder of their first doctor’s appointment replaying in her mind. “It won’t be like last time. This time they can see the baby from the outside.”

Cole felt his ears turn red, the memory of his confusion over the doctor explaining the internal sonogram almost as vivid as the wand found the baby’s heartbeat. All confusion and embarrassment had flown from his mind as the steady whum-whum filled the room.

“You okay?” She asked.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

She shrugged. “No matter what, this is much better than any medical plan the Army of the 12 Monkeys ever provided.”

He smirked at her joke.

True to her word, once the nurse had gone through a number of questions and tests, Cassie was on the bed, her shirt up, the doctor spreading gel over her stomach.

“There he is,” Cassie breathed as the image filled the screen.

Cole tilted his head, squinting, until he looked at Cassie, his gaze skeptical.

The doctor laughed, easily pointing out body parts, allowing Cole to find his child amid the gray and black blur. His child. Again.

A new chance. A new life.

He’d missed all of this the first time. It had all been stolen away from him. He felt a weight in his chest, a heavy battle between the anger and sadness of all he’d lost before and the joy and excitement of all he had now.

“Would you like to know the sex of your baby?”

Cassie laughed lightly through her tears. “We’re pretty sure we know already.”  
Her blue green eyes met his, as they shared a knowing smile.

_“Ask the question”_

Cole felt his stomach drop as Jennifer’s words invaded.

Cassie’s brow fell as she noted the sudden shift behind Cole’s eyes.

“Actually Doc, would you mind…” he trailed off, his hand waving vaguely towards the screen.

The doctor turned to Cassie in question, receiving a slow nod in response.

“Well congratulations. It’s a girl.”

To be continued. 


	2. Right Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The part in the middle to help with the part in the beginning. Slight spoilers for 3X10 Witness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who’ve read, liked and commented!!! Makes my day! Hope you enjoy the next chapter. More to come!

Where are you?

Chapter 1

_Save the dying man_

From the time in the middle.

She could hear him moving, the soft rustling of blankets from the other room the difference between waking and the terror of nightmares. He’d finally been able to leave the hospital, and she realized it was time to slow down. The body was healing, but she knew there was a disease deep in his soul that needed attention.

She moved to the kitchen in the penthouse apartment she’d purchased in London, setting water to boil and bread to toast. She had to keep it simple for now, nothing too harsh. He still had a long way to go.

She walked carefully, the gentle tinkling of the glass against the metal tray in her hands the only sound as her feet fell softly on the lush carpet. She gave a gentle knock and waited. She knew he’d heard her and took no offense to his delayed response. She simply waited.

 _Like father, like son_ she thought ruefully.

The door swung open and a haggard Athan stared back at her.

“I’m not like him,” he ground out roughly.

Jennifer smirked, but said nothing, instead she lifted the tray higher, her petition for entrance.

Athan shuffled back, his movements slow and tense. “I’m not sure I have much of a stomach for food.”

“It’s not much,” Jennifer assured him. “Just something to help you get your strength back.”

“My strength,” he scoffed with quiet derision.

“Come,” she called, setting the tray on the table. “Sit down. You shouldn’t be on your feet yet.”

The older man sighed, but obeyed. He’d learned during his time in hospital that Jennifer’s capacity for love and care was not to be ignored or underestimated

“Just some toast and a bit of tea,” she said, arranging her offerings. She waited, her eyes bright, her silent stalwart gaze meeting his.

He sipped at the warm drink and nibbled the crunchy bread.

“You are like him,” Jennifer said suddenly. “And her. Them.”

“Jennifer—”

“You are,” she insisted. “And you should be proud.”

“Proud?” He bit off. “Of a mother who tried to kill herself so I wouldn’t be born? Of a father who killed men and women? Who put a gun in my face when I was a child, intent on killing me?”

Jennifer’s eyes dropped quickly, but she was unable to hide the uncertainty in her face. “But he didn’t,” she mumbled.

It wedged between them like the rusted hinge of a seesaw refusing to budge.

“My mom tried to kill me,” she blurted out.

It was Athan’s turn to look contrite. “I know,” he said softly.

“And I don’t think it’s the same thing,” she replied. “Or maybe it is, but I don’t think so. My mom wanted to kill me because she thought it would save the world. I think Cassie, when she was at Titan, she was so scared and so sad and so alone, I think she just wanted to save you. I think both of our moms knew what it felt to be so desperate and so without…” she fumbled, searching for what she was trying to say.

“Hope,” Athan supplied somewhat sardonically.

“Yeah,” she breathed, ignoring his tone. “My mom was trapped inside her own mind. Cassie was trapped in Titan. Both were searching for a way out.”

“Searching for freedom,” Athan added with much less mockery. He grew silent, seeming to ponder her words, before asking, “Do you forgive your mother?”

Jennifer blinked at him owlishly. “I…I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought of it in terms of forgiving. I guess, more than anything, I feel really sad for her. I know what she did was horrible and perhaps there is no forgiveness for it, but I learned how to forgive me, how to live with out the bitterness. I know she deserved to be locked up, but there’s no life inside a box.”

“Paradox inside a box.”

“No, Athan, you are not locked inside the box,” Jennifer insisted. “That’s what Cassie and Cole wanted you to know. That’s what they betrayed their friends for. That’s why they’ve been chasing you across time. It’s what they were willing to die for.”

He pushed away his half eaten toast, suddenly exhausted from it all.

“Yes, Cole put a gun in your face, but you don’t know how it ate at him. How it festered in him. How he…how he hated himself for it,” she pressed on. “But he couldn’t do it. He changed. He’d changed when he met Cassie. He loves her and made the choice to change. And he changed when he met you. He loves you. _They_ love you Athan. They love you in a way my mother and father could never comprehend. You weren’t born to be anything.”

_Nothing. You were nothing. Not yet._

“You were born because two people loved each other beyond time, and nothing bad could come from that. Your life is your choice.”

_I don’t want to become it._

_Then you won’t_.

“Listen to the voices Athan. Listen to the ones who love you. Not you as the witness, but you,” she waved her arms about vaguely, “you know, as you.”

 _There’s only now. There’s only today_.

He gave her small tired smile, one that didn’t get far enough to reach his eyes, and said nothing more.

She scrambled to her feet, moving to help him stand, guiding him back to the bed.

“Sleep for now,” she cooed, tucking him beneath the covers. “We’ve still a ways to go.”

As she made to stand, his hand shot out, gripping her wrist lightly.

“I’d chose love,” he rasped, his words growing breathy with the effort. “Like them.”

“I know.”

He nodded, his eyes closed, his hand slipping from her wrist. “Stay a while?” He asked. “Tell me more. Tell me about my parents.”

 *******************

Cole drove carefully along the wet icy streets. It had started sleeting, and the only sound in the car was the occasional squeak of the wipers against the windshield and soft hum of the heater.

He glanced at Cassie sitting quietly in the passenger’s seat, her head turned from him, her eyes staring out into something he couldn’t see.

_It’s a girl_

_What?_

He’d heard the catch in her voice, heard the breath that had wedged in her throat. He’d felt the weight that had pressed against her heart.

The doctored had fumbled for something to say, sensing the immediate shift in her patient. Cole had never known Cassie to struggle with finding the words to help them navigate the uncertainties before them, but this time, this time she’d gaped at him, her eyes devastated and lost.

He’d apologized to the doctor, moving to help Cassie get cleaned up and dressed, giving a half hearted, vague bullshit explanation before bundling Cassie up and getting her out of the office, pausing only long enough to collect a grainy copy of the ultrasound photo of their daughter. As he’d helped her into the car, her wide blue green eyes had stared up at him, her brow bunched in confusion and petition, begging for an answer he couldn’t give.

She’d said nothing, just curled up into herself, as much as her growing belly would allow, and stared out the window.

Cole had driven aimlessly, knowing there was something she needed, something she needed before they returned to the house, something she’d yet to ask.

“How did you know?”

Her voice sounded horse, overworked, as the muscles struggled to keep up with the demand, struggling to keep the tears at bay, the screaming, the accusations.

He sighed, again only glancing her way, not willing to take his eyes off the ever more dangerous road. “I didn’t, not really, not until just before I asked.”

“How?” She pressed again, this time to turning to look at him. He could feel her, see her, just outside his peripheral. He knew what she was asking.

“Jennifer,” he confirmed. “It was something Jennifer said.”

The silence returned as Cassie seemed to process what he’d said. Her hands had moved to cup her small bump, her eyes falling to where her fingers stroked lazily.

“I want to talk to her.”

“Cassie—”

“Cole,” she bit out, “I want to talk to her. Now.”

The future had been erased and along with it his past, and he supposed that gave him some advantage, because he had no other explanation for how he knew where to go, but he found himself parking at The Emerson, and moving to help Cassie out of the car. He could feel her tension, knew she’d wanted to shrug off his help, but ultimately she allowed his hand to rest against her as they made their way to 607.

Jennifer had opened the door before he’d finished knocking, her wide smile eager to welcome them, but he could see the hesitation in her dark eyes.

“You knew?” Cassie accused as Jennifer shut the door behind them.

“Knew?” Jennifer asked.

“Jennifer,” Cassie sighed, her eyes closing in frustration. “You knew it wasn’t him.”

Jennifer’s gaze moved between the parents: Cassie’s pinched lips and pale skin, Cole’s drooped shoulders and tired eyes, and anger and…heartache.

“I didn’t know for sure,” she began slowly. “I don’t know this life. Time doesn’t…it doesn’t need me the same way it did before. It’s like, I don’t know, it’s like a healed patient who only needs to check in every now and again. Mostly, I just get impressions or feelings, and I just, I didn’t feel him.”

Cassie shook her head, her throat working to swallow. “No. No. I’m his mother. I get to have him back. I get to have him.”

Cole stepped closer to Cassie, his hands reaching out to her. She swatted them away. “No. No. This is not…this is not how it was supposed to be.”

Jennifer felt a knot forming in her throat as she watched the young mother’s eyes grow glassy, the skin of her neck growing pink, and her cheeks flush.

“Where is he?” She tried to ask, the words disappearing as her breathing became more labored. Her gaze narrowing on Jennifer again. “Where is he? What happened to him?”

Jennifer shook her head, her own words struggling to push through the sadness in her throat. “I don’t know.”

James didn’t give Cassie a choice. He moved quickly, decisively, capturing her arms and pulling her against him. She slumped against him but made no move to return his embrace. Still he held her, his hand finding its way to her loose strands, always finding home.

Jennifer heard her choked sob, and felt the need to turn away, unable to witness their anguish, but unable to abandon them to it.

“I want him back,” Cassie wept.

“I know,” Cole answered, his own voice growing gruff and gravely. “I know.”

Finally Cassie’s hands moved, gripping tightly to him. The pair stood wrapped together, the only port in their loss and grief.

Jennifer could only watch, her own heart breaking. Athan Cole had been her friend, her brother Primary. He had understood her in a way no other person ever had. She missed him and mourned the time Cassie and Cole had lost with him.

When Cassie grew quiet, a broken weariness settled over the pair.

“Let me get you home,” Cole said, keeping his arm around her. Cassie merely nodded, her red eyes meeting Jennifer’s in silent supplication. It was a forgiveness easily granted.

“Wait,” Jennifer called, stopping their move towards the door. “Wait, let me come with you.”

“Jennifer—” Cole began.  
“No wait, listen, I don’t know where he is, I don’t…I don’t know if he’s ever coming back, but I can tell you everything I know about him, about my time with him.”

She felt nervous, suddenly uncertain her offer would bring pain rather than solace. Could she give back any portion of what had been taken from them?

Cole looked to Cassie, the silent exchange no less effective than a million spoke promises.

“Please,” Cassie said, her gaze never leaving Cole’s, pausing to allow him to the speak the words.

“Tell us about our son.”

  * …to be continued.




End file.
